Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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