Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
