he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
