lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
