D3 body, D1 cock
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
