We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
