Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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