was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
