oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
So vagazzling was a success
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
