My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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