Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
