you guys were way drunker than both of me
Someone shit on the floor
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
