the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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