i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
My balls are so social today.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
