I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
