good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
