I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize