I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize
