Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
