cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
