After last night, I could never be a politician.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
