It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
