so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
