wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
