Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
