I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
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