i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Well I just put wine in my tea
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
