I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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