Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
