i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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