I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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