Do you still have your period?
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
