Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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