I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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