my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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