I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
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