We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
