and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
