I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
