Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Welp...herpes.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
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