I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
