We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
you inspire me to be a worse person
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
