I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
