Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
