I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
