just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
