The maid of honor just puked.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize