Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
The adults are the big ones right?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
