haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
