After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
