Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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