stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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