i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I am one with the molecules
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
