I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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