Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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