I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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