hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
