i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
