the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
