Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
