I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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