if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
