Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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