you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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