yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
i've created a new STD.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
