Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Less talking, more tequila
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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