This girl is more easily done than said...
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
