When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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